it's so weird that it's almost summer again .. just about three more school days after today. what's really weird though, is that i'm making all the mistakes right now that i made lastyear. well sort of. i'm just really scared of losing you . i don't really know how i would ever get over that. i mean, this time lastyear i was as miserable as it got. i think it had gotten worse as summer progressed, but mostly, i'd never felt so awful in my entire life. i cried so much all the time... and i thought by now that i'd have you back.. and i don't. because you won't make me a priority. everything has more of an importance to you than i do. and it sucks. i mean, whyyyy do you give a damn what your mom and your friends think? i suppose they'e alright people, some more alright than others. but seriously. when it comes to love, you aren't supposed to care. that's why i'm no longer sacrificing things for you. i was going to give up my dream for you. the thing i've wanted for as long as i can remember. i was going to just never pursue because it. at the end of the day, i wanted your love. not to be on the cover of some magazine, or traveling to new places. but when i think about it, you've never sacrificed anything at all for me. and i've never asked you to. and i really don't want you to now. it'd just be nice if you at least came off like you would. thinking about you doesn't make me really happy like it used to. all i can think about is how miserable you made me for ten or so months, and how you won't make me a priority. i'm not your first, second or third one. do you have any idea how crummy that makes me feel? ... i really don't know what's going to happen with us. i have so much on my mind that would make you angry, but you're going to have to hear it all at some point. i'm not really sure that if you leave forever, if i can handle that. but i'm trying to be stronger. if it comes to that, to move on is to grow ...